Many many weeks ago (life comes at u fast bro! 🤷🏾♀️) The London Film Festival took place at the same time I was in the city on Study Abroad. I am a great cinephile, a passionate enjoyer of the movies, and above all, love seeing hot people look especially hot on red carpets, so you can understand how this event was my Superbowl.
Yes I caught a few movies at the fest (BFI 25 & under membership you will always be famous) and those were great but more importantly, the red carpet premieres!!! This was my first time in close contact with a phenomenon I had only ever experienced through E!, through twitter selfies with lucky fans and grainy livestreams. The first night I was there, I happened to catch Olivia Colman just as she arrived (for Sam Mendes’ Empire of Light for concerned film fans). I watched her from up on the balcony, and after much yelling, she. waved. at. me. Yes, that’s correct, my mother, Academy Award winner Olivia Colman looked at me, smiled and waved.
The Evidence
After this transformative experience on that fateful night, I needed more. To be even closer to it all. I asked one of the security personnel how to get down to the barriers and they told me that it’s easy and open to all, you just have to arrive early, secure wristbands, and follow further instructions.
To be honest, I am not that fame obsessed, I acknowledge everyone on the carpet are normal people who just do work that I really admire, but I was curious about the experience. Always open to trying anything at least once. What follows is an hourly log on the day I got waayyyy up close with famous people. (Or at least, pretty famous to me).
The Facts: The premiere that night was Martin McDonagh’s The Banshees of Inisherin. I will tell the truth I did not know anything about this man going in. (I don’t know how he slipped through my pop culture knowledge, I blame my aversion to men in theatre). But after hours spent with MM superfans, I know A LOT. I know more than you. I also knew the cast included Brendan Gleeson, Barry Keoghan (!!) and Colin Farrell (!!!!!!!) and that was good enough for me. I was on a mission to meet them.1
11.00am: I head to the Southbank Centre to get the red carpet wristbands for the event that evening. Allegedly the wristbands for the Bones and All premiere the weekend before became available at midnight, and were gone by 12.05am. Banshees was not that popular (thankfully <3), so I was number 27. The guard tells me to be back at 3pm. (This alarms me, because the premiere only started at 6:45. What exactly was I going to be doing for 3 and a half hours?!)
11:30am: I head back to campus for another class I have in the afternoon. It’s like 20ish minutes on the tube either way, the transport costs are starting to rack up, and the first feelings of doubt/ foolishness are beginning to creep in. Why exactly was I doing this, exactly?
2.30pm: I leave class (20 mins) early to make it back in time. Though it’s not THAT big of a deal, I think it’s funny I told my teacher I had an ‘appointment’ (NOT a lie! A date with destiny if you will!) and it still hangs over me that I know my mother would be tremendously disappointed with my actions.
2:50pm: Back at South Bank. I see a line of people with the same wristband as me, so I assume we’re all in the same boat. I am alarmed by the vast majority being middle aged men (why exactly are you not at work?!). There is one group of college aged girls, so I make friends with them.
3:15pm: After a light bag check by security, we are herded into the barrier pens and closed in. We are told we can move freely until 5pm, after which time if we leave we are NOT allowed to return. The long wait for Barry Keoghan begins.
4:00pm: I get to talking (eavesdropping) with the middle aged men surrounding me. Turns out this IS their job! ‘Professional autograph hunters’ the security staff call them. I will give them credit, they are prepared for the work day! They carry backpacks full of glossy pictures of the actors in their most famous roles- Mad-Eye Moody for Gleeson, The Joker and Druid from Eternals for Keoghan ((ew!)) and a mix of stuff for Farrell- Penguin, In Bruges posters, his character in The Gentleman, and I saw at least one poster dedicated to his work with Yorgos Lanthimos! A cinephile like myself!
4:10pm: The ‘professionals’ are bringing down my vibe. I am the hottest person there until Colin Farrell shows up, but they make it so easy! They are some of the most unseemly members of London society I have yet encountered. A friend I made who was genuinely a large fan of McDonagh told me how once the talent arrives, the hunters start yelling and shoving to get an autograph. They only care so that they could then sell said autographs on ebay or whatever. There is something about the commercialization of something that ought to be a meaningful experience for fans that bums me out. I am reminded of what Robert Patttinson said about paparazzi: “They’re just losers trying to do their jobs.”
4:30pm: Still waiting for anything interesting to happen. I get to talking with a lady autograph hunter (go girlboss I guess), and she explains it’s great being a woman because a lot of actors don’t like taking pictures with middle aged men. Famously, when Timothée Chalamet was there for Bones and All, she said he only interacted with the girlies and refused to sign/ be pictured with the dudes. A win for women I’d say!
4:35pm: I make the mistake of telling this woman I’m a fan of Barry Keoghan. She goes into a LONG almost incomprehensible anecdote about how she saved him from being arrested for being a disorderly drunk at a pub in Ireland, and that he recognized her at the premiere for Eternals. I suspect she is lying but have no way to verify. My enthusiasm wanes by the moment.
5:00pm: Some excitement sort of starts. The professionals (PR people, photographers, people with lanyards, etc.) are making antsy moves up and down the main area. Someone is vacuum cleaning the carpet (why didn’t you do that earlier?!) A man from Disney chooses me from the crowd, takes my picture, and promises to make me a star. (post me on their social media). I think it’s because I’m the only Black person there.
5:30pm: Actual people who are there to watch the film and not just hang around to see celebrities are starting to arrive. There is a sudden big fuss made as Noel Gallagher randomly shows up. I get my first taste of what it’s like to be surrounded by professionals when the object of their work shows up. There is so much yelling “Noel! Noel! NOEL OVER HERE!!!” I am embarrassed to be seen next to them. This is compounded by the fact that Noel Gallagher is not famous to me. Factually, I know he was in Oasis but there are only three things I know about that band, (and Gallagher himself would probably hate this but)
Wonderwall.
Don’t Look Back in Anger
Peter Kavinsky’s favourite band.
My grumpiness at having spent hours with the decidedly unchic and the Noel Gallagher of it all sent me into an existential spiral. What truly is fame? What was I doing here? What is the point of it all? I got an autograph from him just because everyone else was, and it will live forever as a random squiggle on the back of my school notebook. I resent it all. What am I going to do with this, show my mom and say it's from Noel Gallagher? Who fucking cares?!?
5:40pm: The talent are minutes from arriving. We are told by the publicist people that NO PHOTOS are allowed, only autographs. On top of that, they won’t sign ‘blanks’. The pros are bitterly disappointed, they use selfies as sort of trophies, a way to show off to their peers how many premieres (hours spent waiting around) they’ve racked up. I guess they also help with authenticity when they’re selling their wares online. They are prepared. I am not. I realise I have no idea what I’m fucking doing here. What am I gonna do when I see Barry Keoghan?! The 21st centruy urge to snap a photo is ingrained in me, I realised I had no real interest in an autograph (which we have established is a random squiggle that could come from anywhere really.). Everything is fake and made up and sucks. I don’t really care about any of this anymore, except at this point it’s sunk costs (3 hours spent waiting!!!)
Oh, also it's confirmed Barry Keoghan called in sick and won’t be coming. I. Want. To. Go. Home.
5:45pm: I am not kidding, there is an energy shift. Brendan Gleeson is there! Martin McDonagh (who I learned is Mr. Phoebe Waller-Bridge that very day) is here! MY LORDE AND SAVIOUR COLIN MF FARRELL IS HERE! I don’t know how to explain it reader, except to say all my grumpiness, my annoyance, disappeared, because these are famous people to me. Brendan Gleesn got to my place at the barriers, he signed my stupid notebook and i said “thank you so much” and he said “well, you’re welcome my dear”. ?!!?! I?!?!?!?! (keyboard smash, incoherence etc. etc.) These people have been in and made things I know, they’re literally right there, and I am sorry the feeling is so completely ineffable I can only say that’s colin~! farrell~!!! and hope you understand. I completely froze, floated above my body, I think I said hi to him? He was right fucking there, right in front of me, and it was surreal. That’s celebrity baby.
6:15pm: It’s over as quickly as it started. Everyone is inside watching Banshees. (which I watched a few weeks later! It was pretty excellent! Only negative effect of the red carpet was the music from the film played on a loop for hours. Engraved into my head in the worst way, à la Dua Lipa songs for retail workers). I walk home with a crazy post for my close friends story.
Celebrity is a weird and complex social construct. As someone so so into pop culture, it’s crazy I never stopped to examine what it really means to be a fan and all the parasitic capitalists who make money off it. but even me, i was lost in the sauce for a little bit! being on that side of a red carpet is something i cant imagine ever doing again, i cant think of any person who is worth doing all of that for, but i am happy i tried it out! i am still and forever will be a fan of hot people looking hot on fun coloured carpets.
This was so exciting to read! I love how your personality shined through the entire time as you told us what you saw and what you were thinking internally. The timestamps truly added to the experience of it being an all day experience. So glad you got to go and tell us this story!